There is an absolute truth in avoiding toxic people and situations. I know I’ve written about this before, but it’s worth a revision for the new year. There will always be people who believe that everything in the universe revolves around them. Know that none of what they do is about you. IT’S ALL ABOUT THEM. I know that I tend to take things personally, but I’m telling you peeps, it’s healthier to learn to LET IT GO. A lot of the angst and sadness we feel in our lives comes from the human instinct to take everything personally. Many of us struggle with this, but it’s a new, mindful year. You’re a smart cookie – let your gut and intuition drive you along that winding path of life. It’s tough enough without a lot of negativity clouding the way.
I guess my point is peeps, that the key to living positively and mindfully and happily, is to check your responses. When something stressful happens, how do you respond? I tend to overreact, and I am working on changing that by practicing some of those deep cleansing breaths and a few mantras I’ve written for myself. Don’t jump the gun and react right away. I know, it’s supremely hard to keep your calm, but well worth it in the long run. Don’t be that person who lets the overwhelm or fear make into a victim. We all have choices. Sometimes, we get stuck for a while, and it appears to others that we are victims of our own circumstances, but we know better. Bide your time, breathe and be mindful. It isn’t about the other people’s behaviors, but all about yours.
I know that I am guilty of adverse responses. As an artistic soul, a dreamer, I tend to take things personally. Sometimes, I know it isn’t about me, but still, I feel it deeply, cutting a jagged slice in my soul. What? Have you felt this too? Guess what peeps – you are not alone. We all make this mistake because we are H-U-M-A-N.
Let’s think about things rationally, shall we? Often, if someone does something to us that we disagree with or view differently, we take it as a personal assault. It isn’t, but how about these scenarios:
- I have a teenager who uses her bedroom floor like a closet, hamper, and storage facility. It appears as if that tornado that took Dorothy to Oz has whipped right through there. It causes her some stress, like when she can’t find that shirt she knows she washed last night, but still, it remains a FEMA approved zone. So is she purposely defying me and my authority as a parent? Perhaps. Do I get mad? Absolutely. Will I nag her? You bet. And yes that stresses me out, but guess what- it is ALL ABOUT HER, not me.
- How about your spouse (or partner, significant other, etc.)? Are they aloof, busy, not sharing enough precious time and affection? Do they hate you? Maybe they don’t care anymore? Or are you making this about you? Yes, sometimes the world brings significant issues to those closest to us, and that makes us feel vulnerable, angry and left out. Guess what peeps? It’s not about you.
- How about work? Your coworkers and your boss are inconsiderate? Perhaps they don’t clean up the break room, or they don’t refill the copier… do they hate you? Most likely not, because, IT’S ALL ABOUT THEM. Maybe they are narcissistic sociopaths, (I’ve met a few) or perhaps they are overwhelmed and supremely busy. It’s not about you.
Some people believe that life itself is personally against them. They curse the universe and wish terrible things for themselves. Sometimes, it feels like it’s directed at you. But the truth is, almost nothing in life is personal. Life is all about things happening, or not, and it’s rarely about anyone specifically.
Sometimes people have emotional issues they’re struggling with, and it makes them defiant, and thoughtless. They lash out and demand of you. Sometimes they are not even aware of their issues, but you need to keep in mind, that they are doing the best they can. We all have to learn not to interpret their behavior as a personal attack, and instead view their screaming, ranting and issues as non-personal encounters. Think about the neighbor’s dog who barks at night, or that pesky mosquito buzzing in your house. You can either respond or not.
Summing up, make this new year a mindful, peaceful one. Claim your personal space in the world, and you will be able to handle the toxicity in your life or drop it from your existence. You cannot control other people, what they say or do, but remember, you can control your response. Don’t let their issues reduce your self-worth. Learn to detach yourself from people and situations that make you feel bad. There is a freedom that comes with controlling your own life and your responses. They way others treat you or themselves is not a reflection of you, but is their issue. All you can control is your reaction. Breathe, be mindful and let it go.