A Mindful Mess

Sometimes we all let jealousy get the best of us.

Ok. It happened. I admit it. It was the jealousy bug; I try so hard not to let it creep up on me. I am bug phobic. Literally. I am not sure if anyone else is brave enough, but I am just going to spit it out. Commiserate or gloat –depends who you are, and it’s your decision.

Here goes. I am a member of several blogging support and network groups. I know I’m still new to the game, some of my peers are years into their blogs. I’m OK with that, really. But I am struggling to build my subscribers, reach a wider audience and just figure out how to make this more than a side hustle. Lately, every time I sign in to my groups, I see posts from other bloggers proclaiming upwards of 3000 unique visitors after two months of blogging, or the freelancer in me sparks her green eyes at the blogger who signed an e-book deal or a contract with a reputable magazine or newspaper. I joined for the support of others like me, and here I see them progressing, and … here it is … I’m jealous. And miserable. It makes me unable to focus on what I need to do, and that upsets and stresses me more. So what now?

I preach mindfulness, and being grateful, and usually, I practice these phenomena. I just passed a course in being a wellness coach (yeah, thanks. I’m proud of that) and I need to schedule myself as my first client. I need to figure out why something I love so much, yes dear readers, my writing, was becoming painful. Extracting words as if pulling sinew from bone, I had to know. And here it is … a very ugly word, worse than jealousy. Comparing. I was comparing myself to all these others. They don’t share the same niche, they often sell a product, but, I admit, it made me feel bad. Mad, sad, and worried. Unfocused.

So you ask, what did I do with my long weekend to make it better? Well, I meditated, and I wrote. Not blog posts, but long, abstract poetry. A short story, a journal entry. And yes, all with the theme of mindfulness. I am so grateful to have the opportunity to do something I adore. And I love when people ask me what I do, I can say, “I’m a writer.” Because I am. And while writing, I thought back to my past. I bet you guys have no clue that I used to ride horses. Well I did, I was a jumper. And you’re wondering why I am telling you this now. Read on my lovelies.

I rode for 14 years, mostly out in Babylon, NY. (No, no connections here, except maybe for how I was feeling the other day) One of the horses I occasionally had to ride was named Louie. He loved to wander out of the ring, stop before a jump, and grab the hedges alongside the fence. He gave my teenaged self no end of agita. Finally, Carol, my instructor brought out a pair of blinders. Once on, Louie was a dream. He jumped, cantered and sidled just where I wanted him to go. And here’s my point. I need blinders. They will keep me from being distracted by other people’s successes. I am so happy for my fellow blogging buddies. They work hard to get where they are, and I am simply being peevish.

So today,  am more mindful of my own journey. As you should be. We are all on a journey, and it is appreciating the tiny steps, that counts. I am nowhere near where some of the others are, simply because I started later. I really love my blogging network communities. Everyone is so inspiring and helpful. My green eyed monster must learn to be grateful for coming as far as I have, in so short a time.

I am thankful for you, my readers. You are an essential ingredient to my success. And I love what I do. The creative side, the research, even learning the social media ropes. I know I’m in the right place. So from now on, I am choosing to celebrate the victories of my fellow writers. I will write with my own intention, hoping to motivate you, and I will stop getting trapped in that rabbit hole. We all know, there’s only madness there.

Morning Beans & Meditation: 10 Minutes to Self- Compassion

Stay Motivated and Caffeinated!😉☕