We all begin to find ourselves when we notice that we are settled, “found.” It is when we realize the wild, messy, marvelous person we were born to be. The big problem? There is “STUFF,” such as how we feel about how people perceive us, how to get more of what we believe makes us happy, and with fitting in to our little corner of the planet. And so my peeps, the real issue is how do we stop being who we aren’t? No more people-pleasing affectation, obsessive need to fit in and for security, we need to loosen the tummy toning psyche that is holding us back. Toss those invisible Spanx and be who you are – really.
Helene, you ask, just how should I go about becoming myself? Lucky you, I’ll share how I am becoming myself. Right now, I’m still a bit of a mess. Disappointment, failure and mistakes roll on and leave me in a strange limbo. I am becoming my true self through embarrassment (sometimes public), quiet conversations with my bestie, betrayals by people I thought had my back, and some very serious loyalty, Yup, if you are my friend, I am better than a puppy. My motto, the quote from Jules Renard – “Look for the ridiculous in everything, and you will find it.” It works.
You need to make a lot of mistakes along the way to find out who you aren’t. I have been writing for as long as I can remember. I never really have the full story when I sit down and begin, but it slowly unfolds, in little pieces in the pages of my mind. And so, I capture them, and when they seem wrong, I tear out a new, clean sheet, and begin again. I don’t necessarily know what I am writing, but I do get closer with each edit and re-write.
I don’t know what your steps are, but I can share mine. Right now I am coming full circle, about face and tilt all at once. I am learning to live mindfully, conscious of life and how I spend my time. I admit to zoning out, but really I’m in my own faraway place, where words form from molecules and become strings of sentences and poetic music. My best ideas happen when I sit staring out the window, when I am awakened by insomnia at 3 am, or in the shower or the car, yes, when I cannot write them down. I actually kept a pad next to my bed for nighttime ideas, so I could reface them in the morning. They usually read something like this: “zmpfjwyjka and the ajbfheue a fhs of the cat and jhsjidips.” So, not the best idea for me.
Every morning I decide to try and figure out something I no longer want to do. The beauty of life is we get to change our minds. Often. It is sometimes in your family’s best interest for you to NOT find yourself, to flow along on the river they navigated for you. Well, I am telling you – GET OUT OF THE BOAT! You may have to deal with some fugitive anger…it won’t look like anger though. All that binge shoe shopping, compulsive chocolate eating and seriously messed up three-hour gym sessions are the manifestations of your anger and sadness. Some days are going to be really hard, but dealing with grief, rage and disappointment will give you a new lease on life.
I am not the typical nerve wracked human, looking for things to be black or white. I see a zillion shades of grey, and I wonder how that helps me to become who I really truly am. There is always something ending and something new beginning, and in the center of all that is ME. Screwed up, silly, fabulous, creative ME. My true deepest self is revealed after I wash off the grime, the makeup, the actress mode I sometimes need to present to the public; it’s the real ME you hear when I am so angry I cannot control the words that are singing from my soul and out of my mouth. And I’m sorry, but I need to be me.
My dear lovely peeps, I know, that like me, you need to let go. You need to activate your true inner being and let it shine through. For your journey and mine, I wish you stamina, grace (especially under pressure) and the ability to keep forging ahead when things get rough. If we love ourselves as we are, completely, that is the truest gift. Loving yourself is a miracle, and seeking your true self is an act of kindness. So go on and find who you are NOW, love that self, and be all that you love.
Stay motivated and caffeinated!😉☕