I’m working off negative sleep this week. I’m honestly not even sure how I’m functioning, but the human mind and body is an amazing adaptable machine. I am here penning positivity for all you wonderful peeps, yet in truth, I’ve been down in the dumps feeling sorry for myself. Long story, not worth it. Either way, you know when just everything is “off?” You’re having one of those days where everything goes wrong, and it makes you REALLY irritable. (I’m being kind, and I apologize now) This is a very personal post, so be patient folks.
It all began with a third level e-mail for a freelance job I really wanted, the kind I could taste, and after all the BS and forms and questions, I thought I was in the final running. But right before bed, on my last e-mail check, it said, “Thank you but you are not the right candidate for this position. Please check our company site for other openings frequently.” Form letter, rejection – whatever. I slept even less than usual. I woke up the next morning feeling disgruntled.
And this is how my day began: Schizo dog needed to walk every two hours beginning at 1:00 AM. When the alarm went off at 5:30, I woke with a cramp in my calf, stretched, stubbed my toe against the bathroom door, spilled my coffee, and then received a call from another company telling me I wasn’t qualified to sell soap and lotions. Honest. So I started to feel a whole lot of emotions. Self-pity, anger, resentment…need I go on?
Feeling flustered by the start of my day, I was looking forward to meeting up with a friend whom I hadn’t seen in a long time for a coffee date catch up. To my dismay, I received a text saying she had to cancel and reschedule because something came up, but she promised she would make it up to me. (It took a week, but this morning we finally got it together. I love her – just saying.) Anyway, this was just my icing on the cake to my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. (Like Alexander, I was a moody grump.) Then, I got lost deep in myself. Those little voices in my head got bigger and louder, debating my worthiness. I felt like a total loser and my ego felt deflated like last year’s party balloons.
My emotions got the best of me. And as much as I’d like to blame it on my hormones being out of whack because I’m a woman and I can say that, the truth is I was acting like a petulant child. I was focused on all the “wrong” things that were happening to me, and I was consumed with my “poor little sad self.”
So now what? I didn’t intend this as a confessional, but here it is anyway. I know that self-pity is a horrible thing, and I decided to take some action, to practice what I preach to all you lovelies in webby world. I needed a purge. I opened my iPad, went to Facebook to see if I could pull something inspiring from one of those positivity pages. Luckily, someone had posted a quote that resonated with me. It was from a friend of mine who is one of the happiest, most positive people I know.
Today, she posted her positive thought with the mention of an illness that will require observation and most likely surgery. Bugger all. Even with this, her husband being ill and the loss of her beloved dog at the holidays and her sister in law soon after, she was cracking jokes! And so, from “Powell Towers” I realized how self-absorbed I was, and how I wasn’t able to appreciate the good things around me because of it. I also realized I’d started to close my mind to different ways of seeing things. It was all about me. My expectations. They weren’t being met, and I let the pity party begin.
Her post was enough to bring tears to my eyes and tug at my heart. She has way of looking at the world that is open, bright, positive, and often very snarky. I like that in a friend. Her post was a great reminder for me to:
- Change my perspective – everything happens for a reason.
- Stop sweating the small stuff.
- Focus my thoughts on what feels good for me and to me.
- Refocus my energy so that instead of being consumed with my own thoughts, I can reach out to others.
Once I shifted my attention, the world stopped shrinking an so did I. I almost stopped feeling sorry for myself. I applied for some pretty amazing jobs (sometimes you just need to pay the bills peeps), and I put on my favorite feel good song of the day (see below post). And I sang along – loudly and definitely off key. But it was good.
I started to realize that everything that happened to me over the last twenty-four hours was not just about me. There is more to life than what meets the eye, and I need to learn not to jump to conclusions about a situation. My perfect job is out there, I just need to find it.
Bottom line folks, the stories we tell ourselves are often just that – stories. They grow wings and tentacles in our minds and suck the positive happy vibes right out from under us. So the next time you are feeling sorry for yourself, shift your focus away from yourself. Grab a different view, put yourself in someone else’s shoes, or look at the situation from a more objective angle. (I know- repetitive, but important.) Find a positive, inspiring quote online and post it on your wall, right where you can see it. You’ll be amazed at how changing your focus and your thoughts will soothe your mind and get you to a better, calmer, less pitiful state.
Stay motivated and caffeinated!😉☕